Rabbi Apelbaum – Parshas Chayei Sarah

 Rabbi Apelbaum – Parshas Chayei Sarah

 The פסוק says – "ויאמר אברהם אל עבדו זקן ביתו המשל בכל אשר לו שים נא את ידך תחת ירכי. ואשביעך בה'... לא תקח אשה לבני מבנות הכנעני.... כי אל ארצי ואל מולדתי תלך

(כ"ד, ב'-ד').

Eliezer was אברהם’s closet Talmid. He was a great צדיק himself and was trusted to manage אברהם’s entire estate so why did אברהם make אליעזר take such a serious oath of "שים נא ידך תחת ירכי"? אברהם insisted that יצחק not marry a girl from כנען, not even אליעזר’s daughter who grew up under the influence of אברהם אבינו and שרה אימנו since she descended from כנען.

Why was אברהם more willing for יצחק to marry a girl who grew up amongst the influence of עבודה זרה rather than אליעזר’s daughter who was the top בית יעקב girl of the generation who’s father was a big צדיק, a תלמיד of אברהם אבינו? She grew up under the influence and chinuch of אברהם אבינו and שרה אימנו!

The Vilna Gaon writes in the beginning of his ספר – אבן שלמה that all of עבודת ה' is dependent on תקון המדות. He writes that the source of all sins come from bad מדות. He continues and says that the main purpose of life is to constantly break and overcome your bad מדות and if you don’t, there is no purpose to live. A person can be the greatest תלמיד חכם but if he has bad מדות he has no purpose of living.

When רבקה told יעקב to run away from עשו, she told יצחק – קצתי בחיי מפני בנות חת אם לקח יעקב אשה מבנות חת כאלה מבנות הארץ למה לי חיים (בראשית כ"ז, מ"ו). רבקה said that if יעקב marries from the בנות כנען, life isn’t worth anything. The nation of כנען represents bad מדות. כנען descends from חם who did a terrible act to his father because of his bad מדות. These bad מדות of selfishness got ingrained into the nation of כנען.

רבקה understood that the purpose of life is to work on and perfect your מדות and if יעקב marries into כנען who is filled with bad מדות, there’s no purpose of living. This is a life or death decision that the future mother of כלל ישראל has sterling מדות.

אליעזר had to take a serious oath of "שים נא ידך תחת ירכי" since this decision was a matter of life or death. It says "דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה". A person with bad מדות, his תורה is worthless. A person must set aside time each day to work a perfecting his מדות.

A couple once came to Rav Moshe Feinstein traumatized after a certain mekubal told them something terrible was going to happen to a certain family member. Rav Moshe told them it’s totally שקר what the mekubal told them. Rav Moshe explained that a person only get’s a vision if Hashem comes to him. Hashem doesn’t come to a person who has bad מדות and a person who frightens a couple in such a way has terrible מדות. The purpose of marriage is תקון מדות. That is the purpose of תורה and that is the purpose of life!