For Me or For You? Like an eagle arousing his nest hovering over his young, he spreads his wings and takes it and carries it on his pinions (32:11).
In this week’s parsha the Torah describes the kindness and mercy of Hashem by likening it to an eagle. Rashi (ad loc) explains: An eagle is merciful toward his children in that he doesn’t enter the nest suddenly and startle his sleeping young; rather he flaps his wings and goes around them from branch to branch to gently rouse his young and not overwhelm them. In addition, he gently touches them and then withdraws and touches them again, without ever putting the full force of his weight on them.
Rashi goes on to explain a second attribute: An eagle carries its young on its wings because it is unafraid of winged predators for it flies higher than any other birds. The only danger that it fears is man’s arrows, and the eagle’s rationale is, “Better that the arrow should enter me and not strike my children.”
So too, Rashi explains, when Bnei Yisroel left Egypt they were being pursued by the Egyptians who caught up to them and proceeded to shoot arrows and catapult stones at then. However, an angel of Hashem came and acted as a shield between the Egyptians and Bnei Yisroel, absorbing the full force of the assault. Then, when giving Bnei Yisroel the Torah, Hashem was careful not to overwhelm them.
While we can clearly see the analogy, this verse still requires further explanation. The end of the verse demonstrates that an eagle is willing to suffer pain and even sacrifice itself for the sake of its young, as it is willing to take the blow of an arrow to protect them. This is understandably an incredible commitment on the part of the eagle. But how are we to understand the greatness of the virtue that it gently wakes up its young? If an eagle is willing to sacrifice itself for its children, what does the fact that it gently wakes its young add?
The Torah is teaching us an incredible life lesson here, one that will surely be appreciated by anyone who ever had to rouse children in the morning. Usually, when parents come into their children’s room to wake them up in the morning, they speak loudly to get them up. In addition, when the children are slow to get out of bed, parents tend to raise the volume of their voices. Pretty soon they start yelling at them to hurry up, get dressed, etc.
Why do we yell at our children in the morning? Is it because the parent really cares if their children get to school on time or is it that if the children are late and miss their bus or car pool then the parent has to drive them? Alternatively, the parent takes their children to school on the way to work, and when the children are late the parent is also now late, which creates other pressure. Almost always, the stressful morning experience isn’t for the children’s sake, it’s about the parent’s frustration at being inconvenienced by their children’s dawdling.
What many parents don’t realize is that a child always knows when a parent is acting in the interest of the child or in the self-interest of the parent. The Rosh HaYeshiva illustrates this with the following story.
About midnight on a Motzei Shabbos the Rosh HaYeshiva gets a call from a member of the community who is very distressed. The man explains that for the last four hours he has been in a yelling match with his teenage son and he is beside himself.
“What happened?” asked the Rosh HaYeshiva. The man explains that he and his son were in shul davening Ma’ariv and his son left early to go home. One of the other congregants in shul turned to him and asked him where his son was. The man then noticed that his son was no longer in shul and when he got home he confronted his son about leaving shul early. That led to huge argument and much yelling and screaming that lasted for hours. So the father was now calling the Rosh HaYeshiva for advice about what to do.
The Rosh HaYeshiva said, “Let me ask you a question. On Sunday night do you take your son to shul?” The man replied that he does not. “Do you know if he even davens Ma’ariv?” The man once again replied that he does not.
The Rosh HaYeshiva explained to him that the reason he was upset wasn’t because his son left shul early and missed part of davening, inasmuch for the rest of the week he doesn’t even know if his son davens. He was upset because his friend embarrassed him by asking him where his son was. The reason he was yelling at his son wasn’t about educating him on davening, it was because he himself was embarrassed and he was venting frustration for being embarrassed. The reason this led to a huge fight is because children are very perceptive, they know when a parent is criticizing them for their own good and when they are not. This is perhaps the major point of conflict between parents and children.
That is what the Torah is teaching us. Of course the eagle does everything it can to protect its young. But is it protecting its young because that is the eagle’s own continuity and it is preserving its species? Or is its devotion and commitment because it cares for the young itself and what’s in its best interest? The verse therefore tells us that an eagle gently wakes up its young; that concern for the “psyche” of its young teaches us that an eagle’s protection of its young is motivated by what’s good for the offspring, not in the self-interest of the eagle itself.
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