The Key to a Good Life
Yaakov said to Pharaoh, “The days of the years of my sojourn are one hundred thirty years; the days of the years of my life have been few and bad, and they have not reached the days of the years of my forefathers’ lives in the days of their sojourns” (Bereishis 47:9).
This is a perplexing statement for Yaakov to make. At the time of this exchange with Pharaoh, he was 130 years old and he lamented the fact that his life span had not reached those of his father and grandfather. But how could Yaakov have known that he would never reach their ages? It was certainly possible that he would go on to live for many years thereafter! Even Rashi’s explanation – that Yaakov meant that his life hadn’t been as good as his forefathers’ lives – is difficult to understand. Wasn’t it possible that Yaakov would not only live for many more years, but that he would ultimately have many more happy years?
In fact, it would seem that Yaakov should have every reason to have been more pleased with his life than Avraham and Yitzchak were with theirs, for a simple reason: Only Yaakov was blessed with children who were all righteous. Avraham was the father of Yishmael and the sons of Keturah, while Yitzchak had Eisav; only Yaakov had children who were all virtuous. Doesn’t that contradict the sentiment he expresses in this possuk?
Clearly, none of these things are the basis for defining a person’s life as “good.” But what, then, is the definition of a “good” life?
The possuk in Mishlei states that “a person who has found a wife has found goodness,” and the Gemara tells us that “one who is without a wife lives without goodness.” The defining feature of a good life is a good marriage; without that, even having longevity and righteous children will not be enough to make one’s life considered “good.” In that respect, indeed, Yaakov’s life did not reach the quality that Avraham and Yitzchak experienced.
We know that by the time Avraham Avinu was 52 years old, he and Sarah were working together on teaching the people of Charan to serve Hashem. Sarah was 10 years younger than Avraham and died at the age of 127; hence, we can ascertain that they were married for at least 85 years, and perhaps longer. Yitzchak’s marriage to Rivka also lasted for many years; they were married for 20 years before Yaakov and Eisav were born, and Rivka passed away when Yaakov was returning from Lavan’s home at the age of 99 (as he arrived there at the age of 77 and stayed away from home for 22 years); thus, they were married for a full 119 years. Yaakov, though, was married to Rochel Imeinu for less than 15 years; they married only after he had worked for Lavan for seven years, and Rochel died on the road after leaving her father’s house. Thus, according to this definition, the goodness of Yaakov’s life indeed failed to compare to that experienced by his father and grandfather.
Raising children can be very difficult. Indeed, we often find that the children who turn out the best are those who were the most difficult for their parents to raise. Thus, even if a person’s children grow up to be outstanding adults, this cannot be the way to measure a “good” life. Rather, the definition of a good life is one in which a man had a positive relationship with his wife.
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